A Bitter Goodbye
by Aitana Otara
Summary: Let's say Kotetsu did die, but Maverick was caught nonetheless. Everything and everyone is back to normal, but still mourning for a great Hero. And then Barnaby finds something that contains his ex-partner's secrets, something that truly breaks him.
1. A Painful Start

**Bitter Goodbye**

Summary: Let's say Kotetsu did die, but Maverick was caught nonetheless. Everything and everyone is back to normal, but still mourning for a great Hero. And then Barnaby finds something that contains his ex-partner's secrets, something that truly breaks him.

Pairing: Kotetsu T. Kaburagi/Wild Tiger x Barnaby Brooks Jr./Bunny

Rating: T for character death and swearing.

Disclaimer: I do not own Tiger&Bunny or any of its characters.

* * *

Empty mint-green eyes stared sadly at the newly placed gravestone. The cold, heartless rain soaked the man's hair and body thoroughly, initially dripping through those wet, sun-kissed curls, down his neck then into the fabric to continue down until it met the ground. For the most part, the downpour covered the rest of the cemetery, flooding about the bases of the tombstones with small puddles and tiny waterfalls before sliding into the soil that was now mostly soft and muddy or simply creating tiny pools on the concrete path.

But Barnaby Brooks Jr. ignored all these details as he continued to stare blankly at his dead partner's gravestone. Etched onto it was the name Kotetsu T. Kaburagi and below the name were numbers and letters that indicated his days of birth and death. By the bottom was a verse chosen by the Oriental's family to be the epitaph, **_Good men must die, but death can not kill their names._**

And it was true, wasn't it? Kotetsu was a good man. No, he was more than a good man. He was a warm, enthusiastic and lovable human being who cared for other's welfare more than he did for his own. He was also painfully annoying, stubborn and meddlesome.

And Kotetsu was just too heartful to not care. He always insisted on helping out, on becoming friendlier with everyone else who proved no threat, on being the cool Hero that he already was.

And that was what made him imperfect, aside from his long absence as a father to a certain girl. That bit pained Barnaby; now Kaede will truly grow up without her father by her side.

But the widower had been too much of a Hero… Barnaby curled his cold hands into tight fists as he recalled Kotetsu's little confession shortly before dying—that he had been losing his powers gradually for a good while now.

The blond curled his fists even tighter, if possible, when he remembered his realization that same night, just an instant after the confession. Kotetsu wanted to retire and quit his job because he was losing his NEXT powers. But Barnaby was too thick, too selfish to listen. And now he regretted that… greatly.

Forcing back the tears, the blond stood quietly and still in front of the grave. The funeral ended a few days ago. But he could only bear to watch a few blocks away. At the time, he was deeply regretting ever firing that gun, and he still is, though now, the feeling was less intense.

The guilt was a different matter however. Yes, his guilt and his regrets were different. His guilt weighed heavier on his shoulders and conscience more than ever. It was bigger than his thirst for revenge, but at the moment, it was smaller than his thirst for a parent's love. Of course, those last two things were also different.

"H-hey old man…" he greeted the Oriental's grave as he sat down in front of it wearily, his voice cracking and showing the remorse he'd been keeping since the other's death. He ignored the water that soaked his already soaked pants.

According to his research, it might be easier to accept someone's death if one acted as if the deceased was still there, just watching. And so Barnaby decided he would try. Talking to the grave seemed like a good head start, even though it would have sounded crazy to a Barnaby who had not yet experienced his partner dying in his arms.

"Listen…" he said with his voice close to a whisper and his tears barely holding out now. "I… I'm sorry for being so difficult to handle. I know I probably caused you so much trouble at first, especially on our first day together."

By this time, he couldn't seem to hold back the tears and just let them flow. "A-and I'm sorry for being so selfish… If I only sensed that your powers were decreasing in time, if only I had been more sensitive…" Barnaby sobbed now. "I-I'm sorry… I'm really, really, really sorry old man… If only I hadn't argued with you and fired right away, then... then maybe you'd still have time to escape the blast…"

He leaned towards the grave and closed his eyes, touching his forehead on the cleanly cut stone and his hand tracing the etches of the old man's name in kanji that was etched downwards. He screamed and sobbed into the veteran's gravestone—slowly at first until he was more comfortable, weeping out apologies and crying the man's name. Even when his glasses slid off, he didn't seem to notice. He only continued to weep and mourn.

After what seemed like an eternity, Barnaby quieted down. Now only tears came, mixing with the rain water that still did not dare to tune down. His voice seemed to have given up on him now, too. So now, the cemetery was left with only the sounds of pouring rain that seemed to get only louder and louder in the blond's ears until he could no longer hear anything but the pounding of it into the ground and gravestones around him.

It was then that he started wondering if he was cursed—if all those that he would learn to love and open up to were meant to die right before him. "Why…?" he said in a very rough whisper.

"I've tried my best to protect them… Why does it only come to this!" Barnaby hoarsely shouted into the heavens, looking up and glaring up at the dark, grey heavens which, in turn, only sent more rain water to blind him momentarily when they hit his eyes. But the blond didn't move. He didn't want to anymore. He was tired of breaking, of losing the people around him.

It wasn't very long when he seemed to have felt something warm on his shoulder, like a hand, patting him lightly.

Barnaby gritted his teeth, feeling that something was definitely close by. It didn't feel solid; it didn't feel like it was just the rain either; all the more, it strangely felt a lot like… Kotetsu. The green-eyed blond stood up and looked around to see no one else around and nothing particularly strange about the scene around him either.

He turned back to take one last look at Kotetsu's gravestone. Then he glanced at the gravestone right next to Kotetsu's. It was his wife's gravestone and if Barnaby was not mistaken, her name was Tomoe, Tomoe Kaburagi.

The name echoed in the blond's mind while he retrieved his glasses and walked away after saying short goodbyes to the two. Then he walked out of the cemetery all the way to the train station. The trip back took more or less five hours.

The blond hadn't done much in the train he rode on. He only continued to stare out the window, seeing really nothing as he was already drowned so deeply in his thoughts and memories of Kotetsu. He didn't see the rain lessen outside the train; neither did he notice the very few people who dare tried to disturb him from his reverie, nor the weather report from the iPhone-TV from one of the passengers in the train—the report that said there was a storm that had already reached the ground and was traveling ever so slowly towards Sternbuild.

It was not long before they reached Sternbuild's train station. It was already dark by then and, if not for the bright city lights, Barnaby might have been thankful. But no, thanks to the massive electricity consumption the city took, most of the streets and roads and neighborhoods were brightly lit. And that meant that Barnaby, who chose to walk his way back to his apartment, didn't have any escape from the public eye or the cameras from paparazzi. Fortunately the latter never came up around him tonight.

He was only thankful that the rain was hard enough for most of the streets to be abandoned by foot. A few cars had come to park nearby where he was walking a few times. And all of the people who had come out of them had invited him in—they were either driven by sympathy, pity or by the hopes of the Hero to turn to them for comfort. Fortunately for Barnaby, the people who had the guts to approach him that time weren't as stubborn as his partner so it was easy to turn them away.

The rain had only worsened when Barnaby reached his empty condo unit, a pathetic excuse for a house, much less a home. He didn't bother to turn on the living room lights. The blond wouldn't need much light anyways. All he planned to do tonight was to take a quick shower, dry up and go straight to bed.

Barnaby locked up his front door and headed straight for the bathroom. He dumped his wet clothes on the hamper and separated his glasses and call band and the valuables that came from his pants' wet pockets—which weren't much as they were only his phone, wallet and keys.

He stepped into the shower and turned it on, ignoring the water that slowly turned from freezing cold to warm to burning hot. Barnaby only turned off the heater when his skin hurt enough to burn, which wasn't so long after it turned burning hot.

Not long after, Barnaby stepped out of the shower area, dripping wet with a towel loosely wrapped around his waist. His body moved into the usual routine he took after a shower—going out to get some clothes (which, in this case, were loosely fitting, boring grey pajama pants and another of his usual black shirts), then brushing his hair while drying it, and then finally, brushing his teeth with said sun-kissed hair tied back into a loose ponytail to prevent toothpaste or water getting on it.

After that, Barnaby closed the bathroom lights and walked back into his minimal-styled bedroom now fully dressed and ready to turn in. The blond got into his bed, pulled the covers over and turned off the lights. He had just closed his eyes when his nose took in a familiar scent. Kotetsu's scent.

The man had most likely left it there during the many overnight visits he had invited himself over for. After all, he usually took the bed while Barnaby insisted that he'd take the guestroom. But in reality, the blond had always sat down in that lone chair in his living room and mostly just stared at the city lights or night sky. Sometimes sleep would crawl up on him while he sat there. But he always woke up before Kotetsu did, managing to fool the old man every time by making him think he did get sleep.

Or so he thought. Kotetsu would sometimes still offer the bed, telling him that it was pretty obvious that he didn't get sleep. Sometimes, the man would just obviously play along with him and then energetically start their day together with his famous fried rice.

Tears began to start crawling their way back up into the blond's eyes. He just closed them tighter to prevent them from falling, which proved to do just the opposite. He could feel himself breaking down again inside. Kotetsu's scent, now enveloping him, actually comforted Barnaby and, at the same time, made him miss the older man much, much more.

"Old man…" Barnaby whispered, holding another pillow close, longing to be held back. He let the tears fall again, knowing that he was safe as long as he was in his home. And so, Barnaby fell into a deep sleep.

"_Hey there, Bunny…"_

The blond man sat up in an instant after hearing those three words. He looked around, flinching from the painful bright light that hurt his eyes.

As Barnaby scanned his room, the same feeling came back to him—the feeling of Kotetsu just around the corner, being there. The blond found that the curtains had been drawn back and he had forgotten to close them the night before. Now, light flooded the room with stinging brightness.

But… what was that? There was a chair he usually kept close to the window. And even without his glasses, Barnaby could see that someone was occupying it. "K-Kotetsu…?" he said, feeling a small ray of hope grow inside of him, feeling that maybe the past few days was all just a bad dream, a lesson in itself, and that everything was back to normal.

The sound of laughter rang through Barnaby's ears like the beautiful sound of chimes. "Kotetsu? Is that really you?" he asked, getting up from the bed. He took his glasses from the bedside table and put them on.

He tried to look past the light that seemed to hide the man sitting on the chair in shadows. "Kotetsu, answer me, please…" Barnaby said, a hint of desperation audible in his voice.

"_Yeah… it's me. Sort of," _came the answer. _"Hey, Bunny… do me a favor, would you? Two, actually…"_

"Anything," Barnaby agreed quickly, earning another hearty laugh from his partner.

"_First, can you… just sit back in the bed?"_

"Why? I want to see your face, Kotetsu…" Barnaby said, doing the request nevertheless.

"_Well, never mind that for now, okay?"_

"Okay…" So he hesitantly sat back, his feet itching to go and walk to the man so he could hug him.

"_So Bunny… that other favor. Well, I don't really know how I should put this in words… But, you know, I want you to know anyway…"_

"Anything, old man."

"_Well… to break this to you lightly, I guess I should send you into an expedition, shouldn't I?"_

"A-an expedition?"

"_Yeah… There's something I've hidden back in my apartment. It's especially for you…__But when you find it, I want you to throw it away, okay?"_

Confusion filled the blond. Why would Kotetsu want him to throw away something that he's kept for him?

"_Also, when you find that certain thing, don't even try looking inside it, okay? Otherwise… you might just hurt yourself… I don't want you hurting anymore…"_

"Why…? What is it? I want to know… Kotetsu, tell me… please."

"_I'm sorry, Bunny… You're the only one I can__… reach. Well, this is just about how long I can keep up now… See ya, Bunny. And remember, throw it out right away, okay? No peeking!" _Kotetsu said with a small laugh in the end. Then the figure on the chair stood up, waved to Barnaby and slowly started to fade into the light from his window.

"No, wait! Kotetsu, please!" Barnaby said, getting out of bed and walking towards the silhouette. "Don't leave me again… Please!"

The green-eyed man walked towards the window, his eyes being blinded as he moved under the sun's blinding rays.

The next thing he knew, he was suddenly sitting up on his bed, in cold sweat, panting slightly. The pillow where his head was on had been thrown out of bed while the other rested close to the edge; his blanket had been kicked down to his feet, one end already going down to the carpeted bedroom floor.

The window showcased a peaceful night out in Sternbuild, and in reverse, a chaotic one for a poor little Bunny, who was thankful that he had been given a whole week to fix himself before going to work.

Barnaby clasped onto his forehead to feel his temperature. He was burning hot. He needed medications quickly. And of course, since the house-crashing, self-inviting Wild Tiger was not here anymore (with which the blond had to remind himself sadly), he had to get up and get the medicine in his bathroom shelf himself.

Not that he didn't want the Tiger's help. At first, maybe he really didn't, especially knowing he was capable of surviving on his own without the need of anybody else to take care of him. But he was proven wrong not long after. The stubborn amber-eyed Oriental somehow broke through those boundaries he had set to keep everyone else out.

It was ironic, really… It was ironic that it was the Tiger who was out free, void and unknowing of the loneliness and pain of the cage that the Bunny had created himself to keep the world out.

Of the many other memories he's had with Kotetsu, Barnaby remembered and constantly came back to one moment in his life. It was when the two had just started hanging out and getting along more often. Kotetsu had told Bunny something about fencing himself in.

_This one was when they were both just finished__ late lunch back in the office. The secretary they shared the room with had gone out to deliver papers so the two were left alone in the room, handling their own paperwork with the older man having to take care of a stack twice higher than Barnaby's._

"_Why are you keeping yourself in that cage, Barnaby?" the older man asked, breaking the awkward silence with ease._

"_What are you talking about, old man?" the young blond only said__, sounding as if Kotetsu was talking nonsense._

"That_ cage. Why do you keep yourself away from others, from your colleagues, from the world?"_

_A moment of silence. And then Barnaby answered, "I'm not keeping myself away, in particular… I also have no reason to lock myself up in a figurative cage."_

"_Then why are you locking yourself up for no reason?"_

"_Old man, I cannot comprehend what you're talking about…" Barnaby answered calmly with a tired sigh._

"_What, am I talking a little too smartly for you now?" Tiger teased lightly, having stopped working._

"_No. On the contrary, I think you're just talking nonsense…" the Bunny replied, hoping the Oriental__ would stop his teasing._

"_Aw, come on, Bunny… Open up, will ya? Even if it's just for a bit... Trust me with a secret or two…" the Tiger pressed on._

_Another moment of silence with the Oriental smiling expectantly at Barnaby. The blond sighed once more and looked up to the ceiling and leaned back on his chair__. "First of all, old man, it's not a cage…" he started, looking the other in the eye to see him listening closely._

_It was obvious in the other's eyes that he was happy Barnaby was opening up. But Barnaby wasn't going to give in all that easily… not yet, maybe even not any more than this._

"_Well, all right, if it seems like a cage to you, then let's say that it may be one…" Bunny continued. "But this 'cage' is not meant to keep me in. It's… meant to keep everyone out."_

"_Why?" Kotetsu asked._

"_Because… I…" Barnaby blinked, suddenly wondering why indeed. "Because I've seen what easily-given trust can bring, especially if given to the wrong __people."_

_Barnaby became silent as he thought back to that one Christmas Eve that might as well had been his worst and last night celebrating Christmas. He could feel Kotetsu's gaze on him, sympathetic and sad._

"_I see…" the veteran said, leaning back in his own chair and looking up at the ceiling. "But Bunny, you know that doesn't really mean that you should stop trusting everyone. I know there are some people who don't deserve your trust. But in contrary to that, there are some who do and in return, they trust you a lot, too."_

_Barnaby stared at his desk. __Nobody had dared to give him counseling, not even Maverick. This man… so meddlesome and difficult. But at the same time, he cared a lot and tried to understand everyone, sometimes even target criminals._

_That's what made him special._

A few minutes after gulping down his medications, Barnaby sat back on his recliner chair and stared at the city lights. In one hand, he had a glass of wine and in the other, the pin that Kotetsu bought for him when they had gone out in together for Barnaby to try retracing his last Christmas Eve as a child so he might remember exactly who the man who murdered his parents was. The blond ran a thumb over the metal pin, examining the details along with his eyes—the Christmas tree with strips of red and white going down from the bottom of the star on top of it, flowing down to the bottom of the green décor. And then plated on a black ribbon in red was the year NC 1978 at the bottom of the tree, indicating the year when he had received it.

Green lifeless eyes stared at the pin for a long while, remembering the memories that came with it—both the good and bad—before they were shut tight. "Kotetsu…" Barnaby's pained whisper was barely audible as he held the pin in a fist and brought that fist up to his heart.

As Barnaby sat there mourning in silence, bits of the dream came back to him. He slowly opened his eyes as the words came back to him with the warning. It peaked his curiosity as to what that item might be that Kotetsu had left.

An hour or two later, with already enough alcohol and lamenting in his system, Barnaby dragged himself into his bedroom and just flopped onto the bed without much care and energy to strip off his clothes or clean up. He could clean up the next day. At the least, he had taken off his glasses and put them on the side table by habit.

His alarm rang at six am. But he was still out cold like a rock on his bed at that time. And so the alarm had gone into automatic off after half an hour of ringing with ten-minute intervals between each ringing session. Noon came closer and had almost passed when the beautiful green eyes opened and blinked.

Barnaby was thankful for the high alcohol content his wine contained, which had given him a dreamless sleep. In its stead, there had been a troublesome case of stiff neck. But the blond found that he preferred the physical pain than a (possibly) psychological or (most likely) emotional one. It was better than to be reminded even in sleep that his partner was gone.

With a grunt, the Bunny got up from bed, went into the bathroom to take a quick, cold shower to wash off the drowsiness, changed into his usual daily attire, cleaned up, ate whatever was available and easy to make, and started off his day by heading to Kotetsu's apartment.

He had grown to be extremely curious about that dream he had the night before. And other than having nothing very useful to do—other than to mourn and cry and regret all day—he had decided to try and check out his partner's apartment. Of course, it would lead to even more memories and Barnaby knew that he would still somehow end up mourning, crying and regretting. But maybe, just maybe, this little trip to Kotetsu's house could somehow lighten him up.

Undoubtedly, it was full of good memories of whenever the Oriental had invited—or rather _forced_ with those ridiculous puppy dog eyes a grown man could only muster to look at him with—him over. They would laugh and joke and tell stories about each other's past and just have fun being together.

Barnaby had a spare key so he had easily accessed the apartment. It was obviously still in the process of being 'cleaned up'. Boxes full of Kotetsu's things were lined up against one wall while empty ones were scattered about the room. Some were already sealed and labeled, some were still half-way full and some were already full but still didn't have labels. On the floor close to the corner of the wall were two rolls of packing tape and two markers.

Barnaby scanned through the labels—Clothes, cooking utensils, curtains & sheets, clothes, shoes, Etc. The blond wondered what the Etc. box contained and decided to peek at it since it hadn't been sealed yet, which he was thankful for.

What he found in the box was mostly other things that all couldn't be really put under one general label. The picture frames, toothbrush and other more personal things were there in the box, including Kotetsu's favorite and only hat, masks, and his old-fashioned Wild Tiger costume.

And then Barnaby found it—the one thing he's been asked to look for. It was a metal, safe-like box; not too big and not too small, just enough to fit pictures or maybe other small, personal objects into it. It had a number pad and a screen that could fit five numbers—a digital code lock.

Barnaby frowned and sat down on the floor, leaning on the wall. How was he to unlock this when he didn't know Kotetsu's code? Aside from that, he also was starting to feel like a dirty crook who stooped low enough to even steal from the dead—which he wasn't. Barnaby ignored that and tried different codes, as much as he could with the little information about what numbers or codes Kotetsu might use.

It wasn't very soon before he had cracked the code, using the sum of two (or only) numbers from the number equivalent of the letters B, U, N, N, and Y.

Barnaby sighed at the old man's silliness for using his nickname as a code lock. But then he remembered about the warning Kotetsu had given him in the dream and had second thoughts about whether or not he should open the safe-like, briefcase-like box.

For a period of time, the blond argued and debated with himself about what he should do. His dead partner's trust or his curiosity? His promise to trust or his itching curiosity and suspicions? Did he want to get hurt like Kotetsu had said in the dream or did he want to see what secrets Kotetsu was keeping?

Curiosity was the main reason why he wanted to open it so badly, and it was also what he gave into.

_You're going to regret this…_ A voice inside his head warned him. But he ignored it and slowly opened the box.

The first thing that he had laid his eyes upon was a letter cleanly folded. Neatly written on the front was Barnaby's name.

Curiously, the blond pulled out the letter and unfolded it, finding that it actually consisted of three pages. He took a deep breath before he set his eyes onto the handwriting that was undeniably Kotetsu's.

_Dear Barnaby,_

_Um… I don't really know how to go about with this. Literally, I've tried to write my feelings down a hundred times, maybe even more__, in so many ways. But I've decided that I'll settle with this one. This letter will be my last resort. If I can't tell you now, I may never get the chance._

_So just in case something happens to me, I'm going to keep this letter where you can find it and only you. So even when I'm gone, at least I know that I have been honest with you, the best that I can… somewhat or somehow._

_Here goes…_

_Bunny, since we met, you had caught my attention. An__d I've wanted nothing more than to protect you and get to know you better. I've tried and tried a thousand times to try to break those figurative bars that has separated you from everything and somehow slip into that cage that you've made to keep the world out._

_I'm glad that I did at one point. I'm thankful that you let me in. I was especially delighted when you started calling me by name… I was so happy that I went out drinking by myself. And when things were going really well between us, I was really, really blissfully happy that I thought nothing could bring me down. That's why I worked even harder to earn your complete trust and to be closer to you._

_But you know what? My daughter's NEXT powers are awakening and I miss her so much. I know she needs me back at home. I know you can handle things by yourself. But after I got back here and we had that fight, I was torn apart because I didn't know who to choose._

_I apologize for causing you trouble at that time. I apologize if I couldn't explain my situation very well._

_Anyways, you're both precious to me. I cannot even fathom the idea of losing _any_ of you. I love Kaede, Barnaby._

_I love you, too… very much. It's different from the way I love Kaede though…_

_I love you in a romantic sense. I've fallen for you so deeply that I can't stand just seeing you get hurt. I'm in love with you so deeply that I would literally give my everything to you and only you. Heck, I think I would even give up my slowly diminishing powers to you if it's what would make you happy, though I know it really won't._

_Yeah, you read that right. I'm sorry for keeping this a secret up until now, Bunny._

_My powers are slowly drying out. It was one of the reasons why I decided to go back home to Oriental Town. At that time, my given 5 minutes had gone down to somewhere before 4.8 to 4.2 minutes. And since then, it's been gradually decreasing. It gets worse the more I use it, but still, I don't want that to be the reason to be a burden to you. I don't want to be the cause of a failed mission or the loss of points that you may have gotten._

_I know it may be too late once you've read this. My powers might have all gone by now. And for telling you all of this only now, I apologize again. I'm really, really sorry. I just can't seem to tell you everything when it comes face to face._

_I'm not a coward or anything. I just don't want to see you hurt when I tell all this to you—that I am deeply in love with you and that my powers are going, going, gone. _

_Bunny, it _kills_ me just to think about you being sad and broken and…__ Well, I'd very much rather choose to have you scolding me about being clumsy than having you get angry at me for telling you this only now._

_This letter… might be the one last thing that will break us apart. It may be the last straw for you._

_Barnaby, I'm afraid to let you read this letter because I'm afraid that the next time we meet, you might start being so cold to me, or probably you'd look at me just once and feel disgusted._

_I don't want to break your trust again. But, seeing as I have told this all to you only now, I might already have… _

_But I still want to keep trying. Even after I've given you this letter, if you're open about it, then I will try to strengthen our… relationship. But if you don't like it, then I guess it's just my tough luck, right?_

_I won't force you to love me back. I just want you to listen to your heart and follow it. If it requires for me to wait, then I will wait. If it screams for another person's name, who am I to tell you it's supposed to be yelling for mine, right?_

_Barnaby, the thing that has set you apart from everyone else, and the reason why I've fallen for you, is that you're not so hard to love, not too easy either. How should I say this…? Let's say you're just the perfect mix of beauty, brain and __(undeniably) body. Although I do agree that sometimes your mood swings get a little confusing and irritating, I think I will rather have you than be with someone who barely feels anything at all._

_But hey, all this waiting, all this observing-from-a-distance thing, and all this grinning and bearing it, I guess it's all worth it if it means I can prove my love to you._

_Cheesy and corny, I know. But do forgive an old man for his choice of words._

_Thank you for everything. I can't wait to actually get the chance to tell you the following words in person._

**'_I love you, Barnaby Brooks Jr., with all my heart and soul and mind.'_**

_Sincerely yours,_

_Kotetsu_

Barnaby stared at the paper for a moment. And then he reread the letter again, twice, thrice, a fourth time, until it sunk into him.

Kotetsu T. Kaburagi was in love with him. And he had no clue about it.

The blond could feel the tears running down his cheeks, having no chance to stop them or hold them back this time. And then he could suddenly hear someone's sobs filling up the room. It didn't take too long before he realized that it was his.

Despite having practically lost his voice yesterday, Barnaby started to cry Kotetsu's name again.

Now he understood why Kotetsu acted that way towards him when he came back from his hometown. And now, he understood why he had felt so much sadness and sorrow and grief from Kotetsu's death. He had loved the man back, but he had only realized it now. He had only had enough time to realize it now.

Barnaby Brooks Jr. was also in love with Kotetsu T. Kaburagi, but that realization only came now. It was as if his heart had known all along, but his mind had only seen it now.

_So is that it? Is that why it hurt so much… in here?_ Barnaby thought as he gripped onto the front of his shirt closest to where his heart would most likely be located.

With his tears still falling down his face, the blond tried to calm himself down and looked deeper into the box that Kotetsu had wanted gone.

He found Kotetsu's matching pin inside along with photos of just the two of them, having fun with what little time they had together. Barnaby stared at the smiles Kotetsu flashed, then he looked at his own smile—so different from the old man's. His smile was always so controlled, sometimes it seemed forced, and so… fake. On the other hand, Kotetsu's were as bright and warm as day, so natural and real.

He continued to skim through more pictures… until something caught his eye. One of the snapshots Kotetsu had kept was different from most. In this one, it seemed neither was aware that their picture was being taken. And so this one showed Barnaby's real smile.

It was obvious that this was Kotetsu's favorite photo by far, judging from the small folds at the corners and the little creases at one side where it seemed to have been held very tightly at some point in time.

Barnaby had never felt so broken in his entire life. Without much of a warning, his sobbing had started again as well as his crying. Barnaby just couldn't stop himself anymore.

_Bunny… Why did you peek?_

To make it worse, Kotetsu's voice was echoing in his mind again, just like how it had been in the dream.

"No! Stop!" Barnaby screamed, covering his ears and coiling up into a ball. The box was ignored as well as its contents, save for the letter and the picture which the blond held closely like it was a fragile piece of glass that could break at any given moment.

_I'm sorry, Bunny—_

"No! Stop it! Kotetsu's dead! I shouldn't be hearing his voice anymore!"

Silence replied. But Barnaby could still feel that Kotetsu was nearby, lingering, watching with sadness.

Barnaby raised his head to look around. No sign of anybody. He retrieved the pictures from the floor with shaky hands, tears still flowing from his face. "K-Kotetsu's dead…" he repeated in a whisper, as if doing so will make his situation any better. "B-but… he loved me… and he couldn't seem to muster enough courage to tell me that…"

"Why? Because he was fucking scared that I'd leave him!" He gritted his teeth and collected the rest of the pictures in one hand together with the letter. Then he took hold of the safe-like box where they had been kept and threw it across the room with enough force, glowing blue and involuntarily making _almost _a hole in the wall with that.

A whole new wave of hot tears overwhelmed Barnaby and he could only crumple to the floor in a messy heap of tears and regrets. He was now confused, filled with annoyance and anger and regrets and grief. The blond pounded a glowing fist on the floor. "Kotetsu, you idiot! You big, fucking idiot!" he cried, his voice raspier than ever. "You coward! I wish you were here so I could pound you and… And just hear you say those words… Kotetsu, let me hear those words, please…"

"Barnaby!" A different voice came about.

Barnaby looked up to see that it was Antonio by the door. Apparently, he had been the one who was cleaning up Kotetsu's things.

"Handsome!" Came a second new voice. Obviously it was from no other than Nathan.

The flamboyant newcomer came to Barnaby's side while Antonio searched the apartment for any intruder. "Handsome…" the fire-element Hero mumbled with worry.

Barnaby was not affected by their arrival. He just gritted his teeth and cried and pounded the floor harder, like a child giving out a tantrum. "Kotetsu's… a big idiot!" he said, feeling his wrist being held back by Antonio to prevent any more holes on the wooden floor.

"Barnaby… that's enough. You've expressed yourself enough…" the large man was saying while he helped the now limp and sniffling blond up into a chair.

"Here," Nathan said, giving Barnaby a glass of water.

After a while of calming himself down, Barnaby slowly handed them the letter from the hand that held it tightly along with the pictures. He stared at the floor while he waited for them to finish reading it. When he saw the open window, he was surprised to see that it was already dark outside. Just how long had he been crying his eyes out, exactly? Barnaby was sure that his eyes were really red now. Other than that, his stomach was also empty. But unimportant things like that can wait later… He was just wiping tears off of his glasses when he heard Nathan's gasp and Antonio's grunt of surprise.

He looked up at them and felt his tears forming again. But this time, he forced them back. "H-he… he loved me," he whispered for his voice was truly gone now. "But the coward had never dared to even tell me…" A fist clenched and teeth grit. Barnaby was still glowing blue and he felt the danger of his own frustrations himself so he tried to calm back down by taking a deep breath.

Barnaby could feel their cautious, worried stares or glances at him. He didn't care. Not today. Maybe not ever.

"That idiot cared for me much more than I had thought he would…" Barnaby continued after his deep breath. "But he… it was like he didn't know me, didn't trust me enough to tell me he loved me. It was like he thought that maybe I'd hate him for that…"

"Okay, cool down for a moment, Handsome," Nathan said once caught wind of a volcano close to eruption. "We know now that you're much more precious to him than we originally thought… But are you feeling the same thing…?"

Barnaby took a while to answer. His blue glow had even disappeared by the time he gave a response, "Yes."

The night had progressed with a lot of surprises for Nathan and Antonio. Nathan would try to cool the blond down whenever he was close to eruption time and again, even when his powers had timed out. And then soon, they had decided that too much had happened today for the blond. They let him keep the letter and pin and the one picture that showed his real smile. As for the rest, Barnaby didn't really care anymore. But he knew that one of them would probably keep the pictures in case he changed his mind.

Antonio drove Barnaby home with Nathan. On the way, they bought him food that would be enough for dinner and breakfast. Nathan tried to keep up conversation. But Barnaby was only silent all throughout the ride, effectively causing the dark-toned man to shut up as well.

Soon, they arrived. The blond got off with a quiet word of thanks and goodnight before walking listlessly to the elevator that will take him up. The two Heroes left in the car could only worry and stare at him until he was out of their line of view before they headed back to their dead colleague's apartment to continue packing up his things.

When Barnaby arrived in his apartment, he walked in and unconsciously started to eat from the food that was bought for him in his kitchen. He didn't bother reheating it, he was already contented enough from the food that was given to him.

While he ate, it might seem like he was paying close attention to his food. But in actuality, he was just staring blankly at everything he laid his eyes upon. After feeling full, he dumped the dished into the sink then went straight to bed after stripping off his jacket and glasses.

His head hurt and he was convinced that he was starting to see the world turning and losing colors. Everything was slowly shaking, like he was caught in the middle of a very slowed down earthquake. Even when Barnaby had laid down, the ceiling tipped and turned. Even when he closed his eyes, he could still feel the pain in his head.

Barnaby tried to sleep. But it proved to be impossible, especially when he was surrounded by Kotetsu's scent. He stayed motionless for an hour, just with his eyes closed and his mind wishing he'd just fall into another dreamless sleep. The idea of using alcohol again passed his mind, but he wasn't in the mood to drink.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Barnaby had fallen asleep.

* * *

You have finished this chapter.

Now, please choose which end you would like to read.

However take heed. Both, only one or neither may give you content and may just crush your expectations. I'm sorry.

A/N: Ah, longest chapter so far. Originally a one-shot idea, turning longer and longer into something like this. As for the two endings, yeah, that is one of the ideas that turned this story longer than I expected. I don't know really, I just wanted to see how the story progresses in both ways. So this here is basically the fork in the road. You can choose to go forward to where I had originally planned the story, or to go to the other path that seems to suddenly appear out of nowhere which might prove to be… regretful, I guess. I don't really know. It's up to you, readers to decide. But if you want to see whichever ending is best (for you), then you are always free to go back the way you treaded and see what the untaken path holds.

Either way, I do hope you enjoyed^^

NOTE: I am still bickering with myself as to how I'll end both endings so please wait patiently while I try to find the best ways on how I'll complete this story…


	2. The Happy End

**You have chosen the Sad Ending**

When Barnaby arrived in his apartment, he walked in and unconsciously started to eat from the food that was bought for him in his kitchen. He didn't bother reheating it, he was already contented enough from the food that was given to him.

While he ate, it might seem like he was paying close attention to his food. But in actuality, he was just staring blankly at everything he laid his eyes upon. After feeling full, he dumped the dished into the sink then went straight to bed after stripping off his jacket, shirt, boots, socks and glasses.

His head hurt and he was convinced that he was starting to see the world turning and losing colors. Everything was slowly shaking, like he was caught in the middle of slowed down earthquake. Even when Barnaby had laid down, the ceiling tipped and turned. Even when he closed his eyes, he could still feel the pain in his head.

Barnaby tried to sleep. But it proved to be impossible, especially when he was surrounded by Kotetsu's scent. He stayed motionless for an hour, just with his eyes closed and his mind wishing he'd just fall into another dreamless sleep. The idea of using alcohol again passed his mind, but he wasn't in the mood to drink.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Barnaby had fallen asleep. But it was not dreamless, fortunately for him…

* * *

"_So how was your expedition?"_ Kotetsu asked, waking Barnaby into another dream.

"You idiot…" The blond only replied. "Stupid old man… Why'd you keep it a secret?"

"_I'm sorry, Bunny… Can't say I warned you, though…"_

"Kotetsu… why didn't you tell me?" Barnaby said as he looked at the silhouette that stood by the doorway this time. The rest of the room was clouded in white mist-like light and the Bunny sat in bed, letter and picture in hand while the two matching pins were just right next to him.

"_I was afraid you'd hate me… And you might have read, I'd rather see the world end than have you hating me…" _Kotetsu mumbled. _"I love you too much…"_

"Old man… This is why you're an idiot. First of all, I would never hate you. Second, you probably haven't heard yet… But I… well… I'm in love with you too…" Barnaby muttered with a very faint blush spreading across his pale, haggard-looking face that obviously lacked rest, food and water.

Kotetsu stayed quiet. Barnaby glanced at his silhouette by the door again. "Old man, sit next to me…" he requested. "It's my turn to ask for two favors this time. That's the first one."

A somewhat relieved sigh from the veteran, then the silhouette stepped closer. Barnaby could see more clearly now that Kotetsu looked well, dressed in his vest, shirt, tie, pants and hat as he had usually been when not in their suits. The blond heard a reassuring creak from the bed when the Tiger sat next to him.

"_So, what's the second one?"_

"I'll tell you later. Right now, I want to hear you say those words that you've written in this letter," Barnaby said, showing Kotetsu his confession letter.

"_Doesn't that basically count as the other favor, too?" _Kotetsu pouted teasingly. _"You're ripping me off, Bunny…"_

"Please, just do it…" Barnaby asked, forcing a small smile. "Save the teasing for later… I just want to hear you say those things... before you run out of time again."

The man in front of him smiled and took a deep breath, or that is how it looked to Barnaby anyway. After a moment, amber eyes met and locked with green ones. _"I love you, Barnaby Brooks Jr., with all my heart and mind and soul…"_

Barnaby blinked. His heart was leaping for a change and a real smile was slowly working its way through his pain. Just hearing those words come from Kotetsu, in that voice and with that smile—it was gratifying.

"Kotetsu—"

"_I'm not finished yet. That one has more to it. I had wanted to tell it to you in face to face after I've given you the letter…Anyways, here goes…_

"_I love you, Barnaby Brooks Jr., with all my heart and mind and soul.__I love you with all I am and all I'll ever be. You are my moon, my sun and stars, my world, my everything._

"_I've had countless dreams of just being with you, loving you while you're loving me back the way I love you. Right now, it feels like I'm living in one of them… And, you know what? This is probably the happiest I've been in a long, long while."_

Barnaby tried to reach a hand out to Kotetsu to touch his cheek, only to find it passing through him like he was nothing but air, a ghost. He slowly pulled back his hand, reality pushing its way into his mind and crushing that happiness just a tiny bit.

Kotetsu seemed to notice this and he also tried the same with Barnaby's cheek. He knew just what would cheer his most precious person, even if just a little. _"You know what? I've made up and written something down for you. I've memorized it and planned to recite it in front of you one day… But I guess I'll just do it now."_

Kotetsu took another deep breath with closed eyes before he opened them again and started to recite:

"_In my childhood days, I believed in wishing stars.  
__As I grew up, I kept that belief close to my heart.  
__And since I met you, I've always kept watch on the night sky;  
__And whenever I saw one, I kept wishing I'd also catch your eye._

_Time passed and I grew more and more obsessed  
__About you, your hair, your scent, your glasses;  
__Even your annoyed, cute expression every time we fought.  
__I found my happiness again! But you still had not._

_So I thought of a way to make you feel better.  
__I decided I would love you the way your parents couldn't.  
__I would love you more than any girl could try.  
__I would love you the way the world might say I shouldn't._

_You, Barnaby, are my new light and love  
__To earn your trust, I'd do anything that I'd have to.  
__To earn your love, well, I will pray to the heavens above  
__So that I may gather courage to confess to you._

_And so here I am now with a rose in hand and a gift to give.  
__My cute, loveable, realistic, smart, sexy and stubborn Bunny-chan,  
__Will you accept me, my love, all my trust, my protection and believe…  
__That I am asking for your love, your acceptance and your hand?"_

Barnaby brought a shaky hand to his mouth and looked down from Kotetsu's genuine smile of affection as tears overflowed. It touched him, the poem did. Kotetsu's love… it was pure and true. And he didn't know a single thing about it.

"K-Kotetsu…" he said after hearing the other add that he was supposed to give Barnaby a rose and a picture of himself with an open little box in hand with a ring in it. And when the blond would put the picture down, he would look at Kotetsu and see that he had copied the same pose he had in that picture and propose to him.

"_O-of course if you weren't at all that ready at the time, I wouldn't force you. I'd w—"_ the Oriental kept rambling until Barnaby simply cut him off with a firmer repeat of his name.

"Kotetsu… If you… somehow did manage to do it in real life, you know I'd… I'd never turn you down…" Barnaby started, at a loss. How should he ever ask for that second favor now?

"Look, I know I always turn your offers down—like when you'd ask me if I was free and have lunch with me or invite me to your house—but this confession of yours… It's not one thing that I would decline so readily, I want you to know that."

Slightly surprised and obviously pleased honey-amber eyes stared back at the mint green ones, admiring those eyelashes that were truly very beautiful.

"Kotetsu," Barnaby started off, looking away.

"_What is it, Bunny?"_

Barnaby felt his chest begin to tighten. This decision he made is for his own good. He had gotten hurt already at just the man's death. Knowing they can only meet in dreams will soon begin to hurt him too once reality hits him at full force.

With pursed lips, the blond looked back into those comforting, slightly confused amber eyes. "Please, stop this," came his second favor. "I don't… I don't want to see you in my dreams or feel you watching me again. Please stop seeing me, even in my or your dreams…"

"_Bunny… what are you saying?"_

"I'm saying that you have to move onto wherever you have to. Y-your wife, Tomoe, you know she's been waiting for you. So why don't you go to her instead? I mean, you still love her, don't you?" The tone was harsher than Barnaby meant it to be but he didn't do anything about it.

"_I see…" _Kotetsu simply said, eyes going down to stare at the sheets. _"Well, if that's what you want…"_

"Kotetsu, it's not that I don't want you to be together with your wife again, it's not that I don't want you loving me either…" Barnaby tried to defend his decision. But the words were quickly beginning to fade from his mind and he was losing his way of trying to make the other understand. "I—you're just… what I mean is…"

"_You don't really love me that way, huh?" _

"No! That's not what I mean! That's not how I even feel…" Barnaby said. Then he flinched, knowing his last phrase could have multiple meanings. "Kotetsu, it's just that… I… I don't want to get hurt again by living in a dream…

"I don't want to go to sleep at night hoping that I'd meet you in my dreams, get too much into it and wake up in the morning finding the reality that you are dead. I don't want it to be rubbed into my face that I can't return your love anymore or apologize or make amends anymore because I fired that gun. Kotetsu, I… I just don't want you to get hurt seeing me get hurt again and again… I'd rather you go to heaven and spend your time with Tomoe watching over Kaede instead of me.

"Y-you… you don't belong in this world anymore. You belong with your wife now… You belong with Tomoe!" Barnaby said wearily, feeling his chest constricting and new tears forming. But he ignored it for now and pointed at Kotetsu's wedding ring. "That! What does that mean and to whom did you share it with? I'm certainly not the person who has the right to be in love with you right now... especially when death has rejoined you both and parted _us_.

"I… I just want you to move on as I plan to myself…"

Kotetsu was silent. He stared at the ring in his finger. Barnaby gulped inaudibly as he watched Kotetsu pull off the ring from his finger and read the engraved name on the underside. _"You're right, Bunny…" _the older man mumbled as he returned the ring on a tanned finger.

Barnaby noticed that a white fog that generally came from nowhere started to surround them, specifically Kotetsu. He could see that the older man was soon starting to become transparent as well. "Kotetsu…" the blond said in a sudden panic that he would lose him again. But acceptance of his death was all that was really needed to take that panic out of his system, Barnaby realized.

And so he closed his eyes, breathed in deeply, slowly, and opened them again to see smiling ocher-colored orbs staring back at him. _"You finally did it, right?" _the veteran asked with a different tone of voice. It seemed happier, expecting, contented.

"Yeah…" Barnaby breathed a sigh as he stared back into Kotetsu's eyes. "I think I have…"

"_I'm so glad…" _With that came a hand that was slowly raised to the blond's cheeks and, for the first time in what seemed like a long time, Barnaby felt Kotetsu's warm touch again. He didn't question it anymore—why Kotetsu could suddenly touch him, or if it was possible vice versa. He just leaned into the touch with closed eyes and just appreciated this feeling, probably for the last time.

"Kotetsu…" Barnaby said as he raised his hand to touch the hand on his cheek. He looked again into those warm eyes and smiled back.

"_Ehehehe…You really have really nice eyelashes, Bunny…" _the older man chuckled sheepishly. _"Well… I guess this is it for me, huh? Time to move on and stuff…"_

Barnaby held Kotetsu's hand firmly, wishing for it never to go and lose that warm feeling again. "Old man, wait…" he said. When he was sure he had the tiger's attention, he leaned forward and kissed a fairly warm and surprisingly solid forehead. He pulled back with a smile, a genuine smile and let one last tear fall from his eyes.

"Goodbye, Kotetsu…"

"…_goodbye, Barnaby."_

The spirit stood up and slowly stepped back, waving at Barnaby with a smile on his face. The blond watched and waved back with so much sadness and happiness overflowing.

And for a second, right before Kotetsu disappeared and before Barnaby's waking, he thought he saw a woman waving back at him next to the man he somehow had grown to love, holding his hand and lipsing something…

"_Thank you."_

* * *

And that's the happy, romantic, sad-but-still-counted-as-happy-because-it's-better-than-the-other-ending end.

Thank you and I hope you enjoyed reading. Reviews are appreciated and loved. Critiques will be a big help too.

A/N: Maybe I should stop here... No, really, I think I should... I don't wanna ruin this story by uploading another chapter that may or may not contain suicide or another character death (which might still count as suicide), possible self-loathing, self-hurting or self-hating; or sad sh*t like that (Yeah, I'm censor-swearing to emphasize how I don't want to add the sadder ending.)  
So... should I put this story into complete now, I wonder?

Anyways, I think I'll wait to see how many of you would like to see how bad I write suicide.

Tchuss und danke!


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